Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Spontaneous Yoga

I've never considered myself a "spontaneous person", as I've always needed to be doing something, often taking on dreams bigger than the reality of what I could actually. Inline with this, I've always spent time in the present planning for the future- so much that I was never actually living in the moments. They just kept passing me by.  Yes, I've always considered myself a planner, yet letting go of needing to be busy being busy, not getting fixated on all the timelines, and releasing myself from expectations is freeing. 

I have attended a yoga class here and there over the last few years; I have enjoyed the instructors and classes- but never put myself out there to meet any of the people in class, or "yogis" I'd soon learn, nor linger to visit with the instructors. I attended, sweat like crazy in hot yoga, and did the best I could at the time- that said only to share that I had NO idea what foreign language these poses (positions) were spoken in nor how to do them. I certainly didn't understand the loud, forceful out breath, and I never chanted. I just participated in my reserved way so no one would notice if I made mistakes or chanted off key. I have, however, become more intrigued by this practice (a new term of yoga reference to me this year) and have been digging into what it all means and how it benefits everyone...yes, even you. 

When the seasons of my life changed last year, I recognized that I was not managing the emotions I was flooded with very well at all. I needed to find something (other than a doctor's office) as a coping skill as I was bracing myself for significant life change. I returned to yoga.

While I've always understood that breathing is obviously something we all do all day, every single day we are alive, it's free, and it's available anytime, I have come to a deeper understanding of its power. Our breathing is often on auto pilot, thanks to our sympathetic nervous system, but in learning to control the rate and pattern, I've come to appreciate the breath as the most powerful tool that we all have within our reach. Our ability to train our breath literally brings the stress response into being something we can control. 

Some of you may be familiar with My Calm Beat or other apps that are conveniently located on all of our smartphones and other devices. The premise of these apps is to teach the user that taking fewer breaths within a certain period of time. By expanding the lungs to their full capacity to get that full lung volume with every single in-breath, and matching the breath rate and pattern on the out breath- anxiety, depression, and even Blood pressure (a measurable marker of  the breath rates effects ) are reduced.  I wanted to just go a little further now that I knew that Western Medicine had a tangible tool for data on yoga practices. In searching the statistics of using yoga in traditional medicine for anxiety and depressive disorders, I found that director of the Yoga Institute, Michael D Manincor, had great data showing a 33% reduction in stress and over all negative neurological responses by doing yoga an average of just 12 minutes a-day for period of 6 weeks. Incredible. Let me remind you: Breathing is FREE, always available and in your control, as then are the benefits of training it. 

Yoga, through the Western point of view, research shows that these practices enable people to manage their stress response, and in all of my coaching sessions, I encourage client's tackling their stress to focus on what they can control and the choices they can make. By shifting away from analyzing everyone else's role in our problems,  we can better recognize our own lives and take full responsibility for how it's going. You can control your mind, and in practicing this, you can change your life. 

So once I made up my mind to take advantage of breathing being free, always available, and something I can learn to control,  I wanted to revisit my yoga practice (which is new phrase for me within the last 6 months as it may also be to some of you reading this blog). I have learned that it is very beautiful, and it can help anyone reconnect with their true self.  Yes, all of us can experience a love of life, a love for life, and even share with the love of their lives. Hummmm. Yoga is actually an amazing gift you can give yourself that all ages and abilities can experience; literally anyone can do with some modifications if necessary. 

OK, let's rewind to my first sporadic yoga classes a couple years ago. It was awkward for me, I didn't think yoga was my thing,  so I just dismissed it entirely. I went right back in to my own world- which revolved around my career at the time. Then fast-forward to 6 months ago. When I started going through the yoga motions this time, and got over feeling silly with the chanting, heavy breathing, and going into poses, I had never heard of nor could I possibly pronounce- I really thought about how I was judging myself in every single moment. THAT took my breath away. I came to realize that I rarely had been gentle with myself in my thoughts. As powerful as the mind is, this judgement of self had programed me to plan, plan, plan, so I wouldn't make future mistakes. Yuck, what a vicious cycle! However, I could see it now so change was finally possible. Yoga studios may seem pretentious, but everyone there is just like you and I- looking for a way to reconnect with who they are. Back to that whole, "what's my purpose", question. Well, maybe yoga and breathing practices can help. And forget about what you think of the yoga studios and yogis- that's part the judgement I speak to of self and it extends to others. Drop that and just walk in. 

I consider myself pretty new to yoga practice, though I am growing passionate about what I'm learning and how I'm connecting even deeper with myself, with my higher power; which is God for me.  I have dropped the self critical voice. I came to the phrase "spontaneous yoga" today after a Hot Yoga Sculpt Yoga Class because every second of that was choreographed...a.k.a. planned. The instructor was talented and led class with energy. She is the perfect person to lead this class, yet today; it wasn't what I was looking for. I understand there are many different classes; today it wasn't what my body, mind nor spirited was called to enjoy. I also understand that repetitive motions of the same poses are a fantastic way to learn them and the fast pace of Sculpt doesn't allow for much slow anything, let alone breath work. Just a thought, a realization I collected for myself. It simply came to mind today, while going through the motions of doing laundry, that I'd like to get further away from a planned and structured format. I am appreciating my body in healthy way, so I'd like to just let each moment of a class move my body, along with my soul and spirit. I have found giving myself permission is very freeing, and I want to just find a way to just enjoy the stretching, the strength and movement. Ha!  I knew there was a bit of a gypsy soul in me; I just never found a way to express it. Ahhh...yes, there is a Yoga way. 

When you are trained to see one, do one, teach one throughout your professional life, it may filter into other thoughts of one's learning curve and ability- it did mine, and that led to decades of judging myself if I couldn't keep that pace. Dropping the judgment attached to if I could keep up with the person next to me in class, my inability to hold a pose right away, or to fear my Ohm chanting was off key, is a breath of fresh air. I guessing in finding Yoga, am finally honoring my "Just Breathe" tattoo on my forearm. 

As we all are, I am a work in progress. I'm learning to live and trust in the moment, as well as to trust in myself and give myself permission to move freely. Yes, back to my thought: Spontaneous Yoga. Many of us calculate and plan every moment in fear of messing up or fear of the unknown, but when that fear is released, when you give up on the fear of making mistakes, we can feed our faith. Feed our faith in not only our higher power, but in ourselves, in humanity, in our personal growth, maybe we can unfold an even deeper level of understanding of who we are.

In my mediation, also a new practice for me of clearing my mind, the thoughts of how yoga may be shared with the world around me floated in, well, I connected to yoga as a way to clear my body, so I needed even more practice to quiet my mind, of course- Mediation. Anyway, I thought of how the Challenge of learning the many different yoga styles, appreciating the various instructors I've practiced with, learning new poses combined with breath practice- brought me to a place of gratitude. When we step back from our routines and distractions for a minutes, we can really notice beautiful things happening. Once I released the fear of making mistakes trying new poses or my chanting being off key, and trained my breathing, (which I continue to practice even when I'm not in a yoga session) other things showed up in my life. Yoga practice allows me to re-direct my attention away from stress in the outside world. Who knew out of the anxiety I would feel learning new poses, while having to continue breathing, I literally could learn a new way of coping with stress and anxiety. I am applying everything I do in a yoga studio to the outside world. I hope it's contagious! What is learned on the mat, I take with me- off the mat and into the world where it really matters. I feel something so much bigger than I am working through me to influence people around me and encourage me to share techniques that may lead others to finding themselves and reconnecting with their souls too.

I started yoga because I was looking for something new for my toolbox of coping skills when stress and emotions seem to be unmanageable. What I continue to learn is that it yoga is transforming me emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.  I embrace spontaneous vs. scheduled now. I love every opportunity I have to share and grow in my practice because when you learn you can control your mind, you will change your life. 

 Namaste.

Nicole Muilenburg, RN
Health and Beauty Consultant
Holistic Practitioner



Monday, March 6, 2017

Life is Growth


A documentary that I recommend everyone see. My life experiences, good and not so good, have given me the drive- an obsession- with helping others; one of the many things I found in common with strategist, Tony Robbins. The words he shares in this documentary, with the film makers and seminar participants, resonate in incredible ways. The messages so clearly reminded me that the more I empower others, the more I do for others- the more empowered I feel to be the warrior my challenges have created me to be. I am proud of who I am, as everyone should be.  I have so many moments, memories, and gifts that I am grateful for, as many people do.  I live each day with an attitude of gratitude, and some days, the days things just aren't going well- I have them too ya know...it's character that I CHOOSE to reconnect with gratitude and try again and again. What does your character say about you? Who are you? What are you made of? Are you a victim of your circumstance or the one who changed course out of your circumstances? 
I am not a survivor- I am a warrior. I have endured- not survived. I continue to learn and grow; I do not give power to past hurts nor anyone who has hurt me. I know a couple of truths that allow me to release the pain: Only hurting people- are hurtful to other people. People who have hurt me, hurt far more from inflicting the wounds than I do in receiving them- IF they have a conscience.
To all that have been a part of pain in my life, on the giving or receiving end- I forgive you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. Words I say often to myself, thanks to a mentor and hypnotherapist. Seeking and learning self improvement techniques is not selfish- it's necessary to break free of merely surviving into thriving.  Forgiveness and Love start with what's inside each of us. Embrace who you are so you can grow into who you want to become...YOU deserve this.
I no longer need to, nor want to, escape from my life or the people I choose to be in it. I used to. I used to find safety and empty promises of peace in isolation, I hated to feel anything uncomfortable, and I couldn't stand to be, or feel alone. If I did reach out to others, I often surrounded myself with people I thought I wanted love from, wanted a sense of belonging with, but I have come to realize that many were people with their own agendas- people who "loved me" only for what I could do, be, or give them. I know now what love is- through learning to love myself, and I was so distorted to believe some of the people in my life "loved" me. The people who remain in my life, love me for me- good days and bad. It's finally ok to be me. I no longer seek approval, and I release the need to please others. Take me or leave me- my words and actions are often raw- and that's not well received at times- but I have lived a life of lying and hiding, unhealthy ways to protect and defend myself. I just won't do that anymore.
I know I am never alone, and I absolutely know that I never have been. I also know the person in the mirror will always be my biggest challenge. I've lived my life afraid of the dark. Afraid of silence. Afraid of being alone and being left alone. I've been afraid to try anything new, because I feared I would always be a failure. I have lived a life trying to please others- and I understand now- that's why I have felt like I have failed. I never believed I was good enough. I have been to rock bottom, a few times- been hospitalized, hopeless and irrational. I was isolated, sad, withdrawn and just going through the motions in life- until I CHOSE to live. Yes, we all have a choice, even in the worst of times and most painful of circumstances. These moments do not have to break you, their are lessons in them. 
I have endured things no one person should ever endure; before you judge, envy, or ridicule someone's life or journey- remember everyone has a story. I have felt ridiculous meeting new people in support groups and sharing my story, but sharing is FREEING, and it has helped me realize that I am SO STRONG, even when I haven't wanted to be. I was blessed with challenges because GOD has a plan for me. He has shown me pain and trials so I could learn and go on to be a mentor, and to empower others; to help others heal- Body. Mind. Spirit. I AM sure of my purpose, and I am passionate about everyone knowing there IS hope. There is ALWAYS opportunity. YOU ARE LOVED.
Tony Robbins reminded me today, as I watched this documentary on the treadmill- I am powerful. I have blamed people for the hurts I have endured by their action and words, but I also need to blame people for the strength and drive those hurts have given me. I care deeply. I am able to empathize and connect with people who hurt in ways that many will never understand. I AM a vessel. I Am obsessed with feeling good, living well, and inspiring others. I AM fulfilled. I have a new life, new values, a new vision, and more clarity than ever before. I feel unstoppable- I AM STILL HERE. Creating the ME I want to be. One day, sometimes, one moment at a time. LIVE your life because "Change happens in a moment"- Tony Robbins. Embrace the changes. Embrace the possibilities. Feed your Faith more than your Fear.
"Life is growth"
"Progress equals happiness- if you are growing, in anything- spiritually, financially, emotionally, physically...in relationships, in your body...in any area of your life, you're gonna feel better in your life and you're gonna have something to give. You can't give something you don't have".- Tony Robbins

I am a work in progress.
I am loved.
I am grateful.
I am enough.
I am fully alive.

You try it. Start your day with 5 positive "I Am" Statements in the mirror. Even if it's uncomfortable and some are difficult to believe- KEEP Saying them. Say 5 more before bed. Once you get the hang of it, add the intensity. FEEL these in your core being. Jump, clap, do something physical as you say them to enforce them on a deeper level. See if, feel it, know it, be it. Be your own best friend and cheerleader. 

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

My Body is a Temple

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 1 Corinthians 6:19 

As I embark on the Whole 30 Challenge with my daughter, I am reframing my mindset and meditating on the purpose of food as fuel for the body I've been given to care for. Many, including myself, ponder the question: Why should I treat my body like a temple? Well, our bodies were created in the image of God. They are a gift from Heavenly Father to allow us to experience mortality and are designed to bring glory to the Creator. Does this knowledge influence the way we treat our bodies and how we feel about Heavenly Father and ourselves? I tend to think it does not. Most people do not take the time to really appreciate, nor recognize, the body as a gift; a temple, to care for and treat well.  

I see fast food franchises continuing to pop all over my community, and these do not inspire the majority of us to think of food as fuel for the vessel we have been given to care for. I certainly have never been through McDonald's to place an order with thoughts of how my menu choice and consumption will glorify God. Rather this is a quick fix, instant gratification, for my preceived physical hunger "needs", having nothing to do with what my body actually "needs" for fuel, nor my relationship with, or gratitude for, God.  I do not frequent fast food establishments, but poor choices are available at the grocery store and every restaurant there is; not just fast food joints. I have become keenly aware of how I feel when I consume processed, fatty, sugary foods;  lethargic, irritable, bloated, foggy in thought process, and just plain disgusting shortly after. So, again, time to make different choices.

I wasn't always aware of how food made me feel. I started paying attention to the messages my body was sending a few years ago when I elected to go through a Mind. Body. Spirit detox program. I learned that if my great grandmother wouldn't recognize a dish, or if she couldn't pronounce the ingredients on a label- it was not intended for me to eat! You don't have to be a Christian to respect the body you have; you just need to care about being able to enjoy your life for years to come. The 30 day detox program had No Sugar, No Processed Foods, No Dairy, No Alcohol, No Caffeine, No Grains...just whole foods. Understand the concept of "whole foods" seemed foreign to me too- I had seen the grocery store, Whole Foods, but had never actually been in one, and the store sign was all I knew of this "whole foods" thing, until my detox program. Who knew, it's not just a grocery store!

I grew up on cereal and mac and cheese, game meat and whatever dreadful vegetable my parents could find in a can or in the freezer for a side dish. Dinner always served with milk to drink and plenty of white sliced bread and butter, if I was at my grandma's house, or margarine at my house. Yuck! If you break this down to what grows from the Earth and the plethora of meats and fish available to us -being the top of the food chain- it's really not as big of a threat to your lifestyle. We can get overwhelmed and give up before we even try, so focus on what you CAN have and how good it makes you feel, rather than focus on what you CAN'T have. You always have a choice; just pay attention to how you feel when you choose crap over whole foods and vice versa. 

Moral of the story, I guess I have done the Whole 30 before.  When I was having emotional instability, mood swings, chronic fatigue, migraine headaches, seizures, constipation and fibromyalgia, I needed to change my life so I could live and not just exist in this vessel. My body felt 90 years old when I was in my 30's, and I took so many prescriptions just to get out of bed and function, then more to be able to sleep at night. It wasn't living. Food IS Medicine, and changing the food I consumed for 30 days, reset my whole life. I was able to come off dozens of medications and enjoy time with my family and friends again. I have been seizure free for two years, and many other diagnoses have been resolved- just by changing my diet.  I learned to mediate and discovered yoga; last year I even ran my first half marathon! Before my detox, I struggled even to get out of bed most days, I hadn't exercised in years, and I had secluded myself away from the world- not having the energy to be around people or even work outside the home. I had to make a change.That was 2013.  


Since then, I have submerged myself in learning about Food as Medicine and how nutrition effects our neurochemistry, aka, Mood and Energy. Don't get me wrong, I have certainly derailed a few times since my detox in 2013 by overindulging, by I keep getting back on track because I enjoy feeling good. I absolutely will struggle to give up my Carmel Macchiatos and Chocolate cake, and the occasional glass of wine, but I AM WORTH IT. YOU ARE WORTH IT. 

Yep. I have started the Whole 30 today, and I am not focusing on what I'll give up for 30 days...(it's 30 days people...ANYONE CAN DO IT),  I am choosing to focus on how great eating Meat, Fish, Fruits, Vegetables, Nuts, and foods God provided for me to fuel the vessel he gave ME makes me feels. I eat pretty clean, but I know I have let old habits take over a few of my choices, so I am grateful my daughter wants to be healthy and happy and asked me to join her in this challenge for Lent- yep- she's extending her 30 to fit her Lent commitment this year. 

Who's with us?

Remember: it's 30 days, and when we treat our bodies as temples of God, we obtain physical, emotional, and spiritual blessings. Live your best life. 


In gratitude, 

Nicole
nicole@rebalancesf.com